Here’s your story…………
Todd and
I had a hard time getting pregnant and really wanted children for a long time.
We went thru all the pain of testing and prodding from fertility doctors to
make sure we could actually conceive. I felt like Sarah or Hannah in the Bible,
barren, alone, watching everyone around me conceive and get pregnant. People
would brag about being fertile as if they knew my pain and caused me more and
more hurt with every pregnancy they went thru. What was wrong with me God? Why
can’t I conceive? Why can’t I have that blessing? I asked God for a miracle
because I felt God didn’t do miracles like he did before. Little did I know
that prayer would change my life. We went thru fertility drugs but I just
didn’t feel like this was what God’s plan was. I stopped taking the fertility
drugs and went to a Women’s Convention. Now, I’m sure people knew I was trying
to get pregnant, but I stepped out in faith and requested prayer from the
women’s group. I was in the center, totally vulnerable to all of their judging
and gossip to follow, but also broken and nowhere else to turn. It was a couple
of months later I found out I was pregnant, finally. When I found out I was
pregnant it was the day of my Uncle Bob’s funeral. One life ended, another
began. I couldn’t contain myself from the joy of being pregnant that I didn’t
even get to tell Todd first, I told my sister and brother in law just because I
couldn’t keep in my joy of being pregnant. I of course told Todd and he just
couldn’t believe it and was in shock, I was so happy. At our first ultrasound,
the tables have turned. I saw a bubble and then another one, oh that’s weird I
thought. Nurse says, “Well, how do you feel about TWINS?” What!?! Followed by
Todd laughing hysterically! Me in SHOCK! Would you stop laughing? Urgh I
couldn’t believe it, God not only blessed me with a child, but CHILDREN!! It
took me awhile to jump on the happy wagon. It was actually fun, tho, to shock
people all over again when we showed them the Twin A and Twin B ultrasound
picture. Haha! J
Fast
forward 6 months to a routine ultrasound on Halloween, of all days, enter my
scary nightmare called reality. Mom and I had lunch at TGI-Fridays and then to
the hospital. It was weird but for that particular ultrasound, it was scheduled
at the hospital not the clinic. God knows what we do not know. Thank you Jesus!
It was the ultrasound finding out the sex of the babies. She told me a boy!
Yes, a son for Todd, I was so happy J and the
2nd is a boy too! Great, doubly blessed – 2 sons, Todd will be so
glad. They had another doctor come in to tell me about the results and to talk
to me. Unfortunately Mrs. Brodie your sac has started to seep down and started
labor and a bunch of other medical jargon, blah, blah, blah. WHAT IS HAPPENING
GOD? Is this your great blessing? I don’t understand I don’t even feel the
contractions, what is going on? I’m only 24 weeks along. They told me they must
admit me to the birthing center down the hall. MOM!!! I was so scared. As I lay
there from absolute shock I wasn’t even in pain from them sticking me with
needles, attaching the catheter, doing whatever they were doing, I was
absolutely numb. How did this day go from pure joy to unmistakable fear. Please
God do anything, but please you cannot take my babies, please God! The
bartering began between me and God that day like I have never before. They are
yours God, please just let me be their Mom. They put drugs in me to stop the
contractions and made me tilt upside down. I made it thru both shots of the
steroids they gave me for their lungs. A group of doctors came in to tell me
what was next. They couldn’t believe I made it thru that first 24 hours to do
the steroids and were hopeful, now I just stay in the hospital for 3 more
months or as long as possible and keep those babies put. J
Well 2
weeks of doing mosaic, puzzles, crafts all in my bed, sponge baths and yes
peeing in a pan in my bed laying down and I just about had enough. Todd would
come and spend evenings with me until I went to sleep for the night at about
10pm and then go back home. I love my strong husband! He was amazing! I however
missed him to death when I was stuck in the hospital. I was 26 weeks and he had
just taken a shower in my bathroom, came out and didn’t have his shirt on, I
only touched his chest and began contracting. Little did I know my attraction
to him would cause me to start heavy labor again, LOL! ;) We were both scared
again that this would be it. The doctors came in and told us to get ready - the
babies will be delivered tonight! Dylan came out first, regular. I heard one
single cry and then nothing else, I didn’t get to even see him because they
rushed him away to the NICU. Zach did NOT want to come out, he wasn’t
positioned correctly and they tried turning him but did not work. I tell him
now it’s cuz he wanted to stay in Mommy’s belly cuz he was so comfy and warm,
so, yes, he had to be delivered by C-section. Ok I totally recommend the first
way! I had horrible shakes afterwards, Zach did not cry. I think I must have
blacked out for an hour in recovery. By the time I went back to my room my
parents and Todd were there. At 1am, I was wheeled, in my bed, down to see my
babies for the first time in the NICU. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at
for the first time were my babies. Yes, I loved them, but how is this happening
to me? This was not the plan or promise you gave me God. What now? I can
remember my Grandmother telling me to talk to them in their little incubators.
I tried, but could not find the words. How can I talk to a lifeless, shiny
skinned, baby who will probably die? Because there were 2 of them it seemed
like every day if one didn’t have an issue the other did. It was breathing
tubes, lung problems, blood on the brain, heart murmers, heart valves,
surgeries, caffeine, needles, chest tubes, and the list goes on and on day after
day. God give me strength. Trust in God, Be still and know I am God, I have
everything in control, lean on me for strength, Trust me… ok God I am willing
to trust you. I was pumping to give them breast milk one day but was drying up.
The doctors told me it was because I had no real bonding with them to release
whatever makes all the milk come because I was not able to hold them at all. So
let me get this straight, the only thing I was getting “right” I am failing
now. When will this struggle end? We would visit our babies everyday at the
hospital and were learning to cope with this thing called our family life. At
times we would restrict people from visiting the boys because they were so
sick. Some people actually got upset about that fact, like we were doing it to
hurt them, I’m sorry, but my children are fighting for their lives and might
DIE, but as long as you can see them, I should take the risk that you might
make them sicker than they already are? I’m sorry, I don’t think so! This is
about them NOT you. Like we are not stressed out enough.
One day
about a month after they were born, the nurses told us we could hold them for
the first time! It was the absolute happiest day of my life ever! Why, yes, I
would LOVE to hold my baby! J We took
Dylan home at 72 days and Zach home at 92 days on portable heart and breathing
monitors, it was kind of nice to easy into it that way, one by one. I had to
learn how to put in a feeding tube down the nose and check and make sure with a
stethoscope to make sure it was in the stomach and not the lungs, ok what? I am
not a doctor! Urgh! I did do it once tho J but Zach
ripped it out while sleeping one night and then never needed it again. He has a
scar on his cute little cheek where the bandaid was. He also has a scar from
the chest tube and we have a binder full of their medical records while in the
hospital, thank God for insurance! Thru all of this God was faithful and gave
us strength. Coming out on the other side, my babies are 100% fine and passed
all of their developmental marks with flying colors. They even slept thru the
night at 6 months! Doctors are shocked when I tell them what happened and they
tell me that there should be something wrong with them or have special needs.
Not with God. I enjoy every chance I get to tell their story to anyone and
everyone that I can. When I asked God to show me a miracle I had no idea what
that would be. Whatever you go thru you need to share your story with others to
help them thru their storm too and give them a hope, people want to know they
are not alone. Give God glory for what he does in your life. Always be
thankful. Our boys have been prayed for a LOT by many people, thank you and I
thank God for their lives. I have to think they are such a blessing to everyone
around them. I know every baby is a miracle from God but I just know without a
doubt that God has something very special in store for them. The joy they have
spreads to everyone around them. The way they pray is amazing! I can’t wait to
see what God has in store for them and am so humbled and blessed to call myself
their Mother.
HAPPY 10th
BIRTHDAY DYLAN & ZACH!!!
Love
Always,
Mom
